A lorry hurtles down at breakneck speed towards the intersection. The traffic lights switch from green to yellow, soon turning red. The driver, instead of slowing down, presses hard on the throttle, shifts up the gear and rushes as fast as he can towards the intersection. He is not alone. Every single driver around him has the same reaction. Ahead, a young man who recently came back from the US after being laid off dutifully applies the brakes and stops at the junction as the lights turn red. What follows is a cacophony of squealing brakes, curses and a loud crunching sound as the lorry and ten other motorcycles, scooters and rickshaws crash into and around the derrière of the poor man’s car, the one who stopped when the lights turned red.
Having lived in India the most of my four and twenty years, this is a scene I get to witness almost every other day. Being a person who follows the traffic rules is a dangerous thing in India. I have had three different instances of being pounded from behind just because I stopped at a red light. The first instance was when I was 16, and had gotten my license a few days ago. Having stopped at a red light, a man on a rickety old moped crashed into my new, shiny black Honda leaving this big, ugly scar. One and a half-year later, a rickshaw barged into me and a friend who had stopped at a red light, parallel to each other. This old brute went on to curse us for stopping! For stopping! When the signal says STOP! The hell? Four years later, I had the decency to stop at a signal in the wee hours of the morning, when the roads are empty. This time, a frickin’ bus crashes into me. A BUS! There is no sight as terrifying as watching a huge ass bus speeding towards you with no intention of stopping, in your rear view mirror. Because of the laws of physics and the presence of mind to switch to neutral when I realized the bus was going to crash into me, I just got bumped away and survived without a scratch but my shiny, new red Honda had to take a bit of a beating. This time, the bus driver was screaming at me for being in his way, and was asking me why I couldn’t stop somewhere else? I have never shouted and screamed at anyone as much as I did that day.
These three incidents are just a small glimpse of what I get to see on the streets every day, and so I’ve listed out a few rules that Indian drivers follow.
1. At a traffic signal: A Green light means GO, Yellow light means GO, a Red light means GO. (Unless there is traffic police around. Then stop. )
2. Horns can mean many things:
- You’re in my way.
- I’m overtaking you.
- Hot girl at 10 o’ clock.
- I think my horn is a musical instrument.
- There’s nobody in front of me. Where is everybody?
- It’s morning.
- It’s noon.
- It’s evening.
- It’s the middle of the night and it’s too silent.
- There’s a traffic jam. Everybody move so I can go through. No? Well, I’ll keep honking anyway.
- My dad’s a politician.
- My best friend’s uncle’s step-brother is a politician.
- I’m bored.
- Ooh, what does this button do?
3. There’s a traffic jam? No problem, I’ll take the footpath.
4. Lanes mean nothing. I make my own lanes.
5. A left indicator means I’ll turn left. But maybe I’ll just turn right. I wanted to go to the right. I did give an indicator right? So what if it’s at the left? You knew I was going to turn. What do you mean I never gave an indicator? Didn’t you see my arm twitching slightly to the right?
6. I’m a pedestrian, I’m not supposed to use the footpath. That’s uncool. I’ll walk in the middle of the road.
7. I’m a pedestrian. I’ll cross wherever I want whenever I want.
8. I’m a pedestrian. Overhead walking bridges and subways are for sissies. Imma run across the road. HARDCORE!
9. Wooo, driving is so much fun! Imma slalom across the road.
10. I’ve got a hot girl riding pillion. I must impress her. Imma brake really hard and go really fast for no reason.
11. Helmets are for sissies.
This is just a small glimpse into the traffic rules that Indians follow.
The funny thing is, you’re most likely to die if you do follow traffic rules and if you don’t. Either way, you’re destined to die.
Related articles
- Indian city uses cardboard cops to enforce road rules (straitstimes.com)
- Respect traffic rules to curb accidents – Gasana (focus.rw)